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Road House This article is being considered for deletion in accordance with Wikipedia's deletion policy.
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Road House is a 1948 film noir starring Ida Lupino, Cornel Wilde, Celeste Holm and Richard Widmark. It was directed by Jean Negulesco for the 20th Century-Fox studio. Road House is also a 1989 film directed by Rowdy Herrington and starring Patrick Swayze as a bouncer at a seedy bar (it is not related whatsoever to the 1948 movie). Many considered the film a disappointment after the phenomenal success of Swayze's Dirty Dancing. However, after its initial failure, it moved to television, where it quickly developed a cult following due to its over-the-top cliches and so-bad-that-it's-good writing style. It currently plays on TNT (in a heavily edited version) pretty often.
Plot WARNING: Here be Spoilers One night at a club, Dalton is approached by a smiling businessman who tells him that he needs a bouncer to clean his place up, and he wants the best damn bouncer in the land: Dalton. Dalton protests that his friend Sam Elliot is really the best, but then agrees to take the job, on the stipulation that he can drive his Mercedes to it without telling Smiling Jack when he's going to show up. The next day, he pulls up at the Double Deuce, located in Jasper (Motto: "A Town Without Cops") and enters to find that it is full of seedy cliches, including fights, obscenity, chicken wire around the band (led by a "blind white boy" who nonetheless looks straight at whoever talks to him), and the now notorious pick up line "How'd you like to rub nipples together?" He stands around smiling a lot while people whisper to each other about how he's the most legendary bouncer (also "cooler," a bouncer king) on the face of the Earth, and that he might have killed a man in Memphis by ripping out his throat. The next day starts work by firing everyone who had a line in the previous scene. Within a few days, he has rented a room in a barn from an old man with a giant beard who talks exclusively in down-home homilies (e.g., "Callin' me sir is like puttin' an elevator in an outhouse: It don't belong."), and the Double Deuce has bought a new sign and attracted trendy clientele, even removing the chicken wire, which enables Blindy McGee to watch the crowd more easily. Dalton then gets in trouble for firing the greasy bartender, who turns out to be the son of Brad Wesley, played by Jackie Treehorn from The Big Lebowski. Wesley then proceeds to prove to the viewer that he's an asshole, doing such things as blowing up the local store, forcing his woman to stop stripping when Dalton tells him to "Keep your pet on its leash," stopping the supply of alcohol to the Deuce, driving a monster truck through the car dealership of a man with a moustache who only appears long enough to have his dealership ruined, and then blowing up the home of Homily Man. Along the way, Dalton gets involved with a doctor who is clearly not just another beautiful ditz because, when she works, she wears glasses. He also gets a visit from his mentor, Sam Elliot, who calls him "Mi Hijo" and just generally kicks some ass, until he gets stabbed. The movie's "plot" is more aptly described as "a series of badly choreographed fights, usually involving knives (themselves usually winding up in Dalton) and shattering glass." The main two involve Jimmy, Wesley's effeminate protege. The first takes place at the Deuce when Jimmy proves he's a badass by doing baton tricks with a pool stick and then hitting the other bouncers with it. Later he attempts to flee the scene of the Homily Man explosion by riding the world's loudest dirt bike. Dalton, who is angry, knocks him off the bike, and then they fight for a few minutes, with Jimmy almost winning, until he kicks a tree, at which point Dalton punchs him, using at last all of his gratuitous body-oiled-in-the-sunset Tai Chi scenes and his training on boards in Homily Man's barn. Jimmy pulls out a cute little pistol, so Dalton rips his throat out and yells "WESSSSSLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!" The next day Dalton goes to work and gets a call from Wesley, who tells him that he must choose who dies between Doc and Sam. Dalton squints into the phone and hangs up. Then Sam comes into the bar all beat up, with no explanation other than that "There were three of them," although in previous scenes he had beaten up entire bars full of people. Dalton decides to go get the Doc and tell her to leave, but she disagrees, because she has decided she'd rather play with an X-ray machine and wear glasses then make love with the World's Best Cooler while pressed against the wall of a barn. Dalton goes back and finds out that Sam Elliot has been stabbed and carefully placed on the bar. What follows is perhaps the best scene in all of cinematic history, and by perhaps, I mean definitely: Patrick Swayze attempts to cry. He tries squinting his eyes, jerking his head around, turning the corners of his mouth down, every trick he can imagine. Then he opens his eyes, and you practically see a hand dart on screen to apply eyedrops. He vows revenge. Dalton drives his Mercedes onto Jackie Treehorn's property, blowing it up for no reason, and then killing a bunch of people. Treehorn emerges, and then the pirated copy of the movie I was watching froze, so that's all I know.
Movie Highlights: Considerable broken glass More fights than characters Gratuitous nudity, esp. of the breast variety. Scintillating Dialogue
Quotes: "Pain don't hurt"- Dalton "Nobody wins a fight"- Dalton "I never lose"- Dalton "Let's rub nipples together"- Man at Bar "I used to f*ck guys like you in prison"- Jimmy, fighting Dalton "Prepare to die"- Jimmy, fighting Dalton "And who's going to save you?"- Doc, screaming right as Homily Man's house blows up. "When someone points a gun at you, you have two choices. You can die, or you can kill the motherf*cker"- Sam Elliot "I thought you'd be bigger"- various idiots, to Dalton "Something about Presbyterians"- Homily Man, justifying his rent
Dalton's rules for Being a Kickass Bouncer 1. Never underestimate your opponent- "Expect the unexpected." 2. Take it outside, especially if the guys have knives attached to their boots. 3. Be nice. External link IMDB entry
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